Marilyn Sokol, Brodway baby

"Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes."

Phyllis Diller

"A terrible thing happened again last night ---nothing."

Victoria Wood, zenith of zaniness

"I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex, but I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower."

Shelley Winters

"I am the modern, itelligent, independent-type woman. In other words, a girl who cannot get a man."

Catherin II, empress of Russia

"Do you know, it is not praise that does me good, but when men speak ill of me, then, with a noble asurance I say to myself, as I smile at them, 'Let us be revenged by proving them to be liars'."

Jenny Jones

"My husband and I used to fight about that night out with the guys, but it's not like I was doing it every night."

Monique Marvez

"Let's be honest, there's not a man in this world who couldn't be replaced by a winning lotto ticket and a water Pik."